saruh

iamtotallylame @ 2009-11-13T01:29:00

2009-11-13T06:29:27Z

THREE WAYS I AM STILL A KID:
1. laugh too much
2. donno what I wanna do with my life
3. bum money from my mom

THREE WAYS I AM ALREADY OLD:
1. own two cars?
2. lost my father
3. I gots motherly tendencies

THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO:
1. go to SCAD
2. travel travel travel
3. raise a big family

THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL "BOY"
1. laugh at farts
2. avoid wearing heels
3. I'm retarded

THREE WAYS THAT I'M A STEREOTYPICAL "GIRL"
1. I like dresses
2. I like guys...
3. I look like a girl?

THREE NEW THINGS YOU WANT TO TRY IN THE NEXT 12 MONTHS
1. a new job
2. new habits
3. to stop biting my nails

THREE THINGS YOU LIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. my life
2. who I know
3. I get it from my mamma

THREE THINGS YOU DISLIKE ABOUT YOURSELF:
1. just plain akward
2. need to loose weight
3. think too much

THREE PARTS OF YOUR HERITAGE:
1. french
2. american
3. your mom

THREE THINGS THAT SCARE YOU:
1. the feeling of falling
2. being alone
3. failing

THREE OF YOUR EVERYDAY ESSENTIALS:
1. food
2. water
3. pants

THREE THINGS YOU JUST CAN'T DO:
1. work in an office without a window
2. pee standing up
3. wake up early enough for yoga

THREE CAREERS YOU'RE CONSIDERING:
1. PHOTOGRAPHER
2. graphic artist
3. barista/server

FIVE THINGS YOU WISH YOU COULD SAY TO 5 DIFFERENT PEOPLE RIGHT NOW.
1. grow up
2. love you!
3. you're cute... :)
4. love you!
5. when I do pictures for free.. don't bug me

FOUR WAYS TO WIN MY HEART:
1. gots to love Jesus
2. be an old fashioned kinda gentleman
3. be artistic
4. buy me flowers :)

FIVE THINGS THAT CROSS YOUR MIND A LOT:
1. I hate the bank
2. I hate verizon
3. I love you
4. gotta go to the bathroom...
5. is it morning already?

THREE SONGS THAT MEAN SOMETHING TO YOU:
1. mighty to save - by whoever sings that song...
2. streets of gold - by needtobreathe
3. anything by saves the day

ONE THING YOU'RE THINKING ABOUT RIGHT NOW:
1. wish I could find Todd Miller!!

WHAT DO YOU FIND MOST BEAUTIFUL?
1. da mountains

the earth could never hold this love that burns my soul

2009-11-11T06:36:42Z

I enjoy the shooting but not so much the editting
sometimes I'm discouraged looking at my own pictures... I should only shoot in natural light, seems I do best there

things are looking up though
but I'm afraid my expectations are way too high

heaven holds me

to the moon and back

2009-10-29T05:32:43Z

you never really know how it feels to know someone that dies til it actually happens
then it feels unreal
I feel like my whole life is a dream without my father
I think about him almost constantly lately
crying at any movie that deals with death
or any song that deals with love and God
and I dreamt about him the other night
we were yard saling and I wanted to go down a hallway full of junk
but he didn't
so when I found cool stuff I'd bring it out there and show it to him
like a suit I thought my brother could wear
but then we both agreed it'd probably be too small
dad and I actually did go yard saling not long before his first surgery
he bought me a statue of a blue deer
its on my desk right next to me now
I can't wait to see him again
I don't want anyone that reads this to think I'm not dealing with this
or that I'm overly depressed (could be true, but don't think it anyhow)
its just death is such an overwhelming subject
yes I know where I'm going when I die
and no I'm not scared of death, for myself at least
I just don't like dealing without people that have been here my whole life
but I can say that I'm dealing with the death of my father extremely well compared to if I lost my brother
if you ever hear that Page has died go ahead and put me in an insane asylum
not that I love Page any more than my father
its just a completely different relationship
how would you measure love anyway?

even when the storm comes

2009-10-08T09:06:32Z

I'm not very good with words...
but I wish I could paint this picture for you
I was laying in my bed listening to needtobeathe's washed by the water as loud as my ear drums can handle
I closed my eyes and pictured my baptism on sunday may 20th at 9am
the hope in my eyes
the love in my soul
the support looking on

then I pictured my father in the baptismal
I don't remember the exact date
so weak and out of breath
we each stood, sobbing
the pastor speaking of dad's burden
and how it was lifted
just wonderful, I can't even tell you how wonderful

afterwards he came into the sanctuary beeming
walked right in front of the band to come sit with us
totally clueless, but adorable
he just wanted to hug everyones neck

and he came by sarah jumper and asked "is he kickin' yet?"

:)

I am washed by the water

I don't hate my enemy, I hate the cloud he's brought over my land

2009-09-30T10:03:54Z

its been awhile livejournal
kinda tough to read my feelings from when dad was around...
lately I feel numb, I need something, and I keep looking in the wrong places and getting hurt
but I get hurt too easily

having a job with the church then working for a man from the church for the past two years... temptation wasn't really an option
lately it is, and I keep messing up

I just want to take pictures
I want people to hear me
but I'm not sure I have anything worth saying

I miss my dad like crazy
hits me at random times
I guess some people just don't get it

I haven't been able to sleep at all lately
I'm still awake after sleeping for 3 hours yesterday morning

all these thoughts are unrelated.. but I gotta get em out

been listening to saves the day, the wedding, and house of heroes the past few days
I love all their lyrics... so wonderful
they say things I think but can't get out

I bought a new car, and its wonderful
burnt orange and fast
and of course a volvo

I am a godmomma, and proud of it
he is beautiful, Jump's baby boy, Destin Elijah Sims

I started a photography facebook
http://www.facebook.com/pages/StSimons-IslandBrunswick/stharpe-photography/289650450124
check it out

livejournal saved an autodraft from april so I figured I'd just leave it in here...
I think I was refering to my family (minus page and mom) wanting to drink at dad's "visitation" which was really just a gathering of friends and family because we had him cremated
and being drunk most of the time we were together
well some of them

drinking bothers me
...
...
here's the auto save from april:

4.21.09
I can't sleep so I figured I let my mind go here, since no one hardly reads it anyway, and my hand hurts when I write a lot..

apparently people are talking, and it seems that I'm acting older than my years
I don't like crying in front of people because they always make a big deal out of it
and I don't like it when they say "I'm sorry" it'd be better if they didn't say anything
I know they mean well
and I'm not hiding my feelings, seriously, I just can't cry
I did Friday night, I just wanted my daddy to make things right
I don't like when people say he's looking down on me either, because he's not
he's worshiping God in heaven

the memorial service yesterday was beautiful
I stood during the second song, oh how he loves, apparently everyone else stood too
ashley said she and mallery started bawlin at that point
I wanted it to be a worship service, mom wanted it to be joyful, Page usually just agrees with whatever we say
I think we got those things out of it

.................................................
I remind me of him when I..
want to surprise people
make funny voices
get mad at mom and page
stay up til morning
eat watermelon
build something
talk to the cats
buy things I don't need
am stubborn
cook
eat faster than the rest of the family
tell stories

the list goes on...

my soul is screaming

2009-03-11T04:18:06Z

donno why just randomly thought about livejournal
it sucks
sorta
okay not really

new job with VanDerbeck Inc, pretty stinkin sweet

on the not so sweet side of things...
after everything last year, thinking dad was cured from the cancer...
just found out today he still has it...
in some lymph nodes...
I'm numb...
seriously, you always think these kind of things would never happen to you
or that calamity only strikes once...?
psh too bad we have little power, read that in a verse recently
I think we have none really.

that's why I give my life to Christ, or He takes it, could be either way, could be both, it's all the same: I'm blessed.

crying spells happen randomly
I forgot how to go to bed early

I am safe.

blue skies

2009-01-06T18:32:47Z

workin... and eatin lunch... fun

2008 kinda sucked, but then again I learned a lot and I changed a lot. I guess I wouldn't change it...

I think I wanna change something else though... not quite sure...

you gotta get over youself

2008-09-30T03:12:42Z

todays been alright
first wedding last saturday
www.flickr.com/photos/sarahtharpe
pedicures tickle haha that was fun
sitting here with dad just walked with him around the 4th floor
I gotta go home and go to sleep...

I'm not yet in the ground

2008-09-22T23:59:59Z

I'm sitting outside
I feel so small
today was really awful
I just wanted to crawl into a hole and cry
I'm praying for something different
for something new

I’ve found the hardest things to do
Are the ones I should.
But you gave me all the grace I needed to get out.
And I will not forget it Lord, I will walk it out.
The demon on my shoulder says
You will pay for this.
Did you think you could escape all the consequences?
But it is not in me
it’s in Your grace, that I’m set free.

I feel sick, it's something I can't shake
And night after night it’s keeping me awake.
Am I sorry that I hurt You,
Or that judgment finally came?
I will not pass it off on You
Cause I’m the one to blame.

I know there’s someway you can turn this around.
Don’t give up on me yet; I’m not yet in the ground.
You've given me one more chance, a million times before.
But I still hear another one, knocking at my door

iamtotallylame @ 2008-09-22T13:36:00

2008-09-22T17:37:39Z

I'm sick of all these selfish tragedies

iamtotallylame @ 2008-09-15T22:03:00

2008-09-16T02:06:44Z

if I wanted to I could write this post instead of type it
because I HAVE A TABLET
yay tablet

so yea, spent too much time uploding free trials of cs3 and transfering pictures to my external hard drive today
and not enough time playing with my new computer

oh well, I can make up for it tomorrow

I still don't know how I feel about windows vista... but I guess I'll have to learn to love it :)

yay tablet!

iamtotallylame @ 2008-09-14T18:50:00

2008-09-14T22:52:57Z

truth is...
I have enough bosses as it is, don't wanna answer to no one else
I wanna be on my own
but for now I'll take life as it is

and right now, life is wonderful

(ps. my computer comes tomorrow!!!!)

oh and I got some pretty pictures today :)

iamtotallylame @ 2008-09-08T17:26:00

2008-09-08T21:27:40Z

when I get a new cd, all I wanna do is drive

iamtotallylame @ 2008-09-04T16:19:00

2008-09-04T20:20:13Z

I am the owner proud of www.sarahtharpe.com
too bad there's nothing on it yet...

iamtotallylame @ 2008-09-03T13:45:00

2008-09-03T17:54:51Z

yea so people have good opinions but why would I care about what just anyone thinks? need to have some accreditation. am I right? so what makes that person better than another person? or more so their thoughts (not really them) I don't really take anyone's word for it. so why am I so bent out of shape? I don't feel like I'm accurately speaking up for myself. I can't defend myself either. and I'm terribly awkward. I've come to terms with it. I sorta miss the old days but then again I don't I hate them with all my being. or more so I would hate them with all my being if they were still in place. but I love them for being in the past. because this is the present and I have so much ahead of me. I feel like God's telling me 'hold your chin up sarah, I have a plan' because He's much better and bigger than anyone's 'opinions', and I can take His word any day any time. or more so all day all time. :)
so why do I want their attention? I just don't get it. and really their goes for one person, but then another. so I don't really know.
I miss it but I hate it.

I'm trapped in a glass box of emotions!
haha... not really.
it's not a glass box, and it's not really emotions

just confusion. I want someone to rescue me.

iamtotallylame @ 2008-09-03T11:38:00

2008-09-03T15:39:19Z

I've been discouraged lately.
end of story.

where's my patience?

2008-08-29T12:50:58Z

I can't wait!
I ordered this

and I'm so stinkin excited I can't stand it!!!
but I hate their shipping policy or whatever
first I have to wait to receive an email in the next 1 to 2 days
then I have to wait another 7-10 days for it to get to me
:(
but it will totally be worth it
l;skdjf I can't stand it!!!

I took pictures of Zack, Elliott, and Andrew last night
those boys are sweet, and it was fun
I'm about to look at the pictures now, but no time for editting :(
I'll have to wait 7-10 days...

and Ginger's wedding shower, took pictures at that too
fun as well.

Nicki's bridal shower tonight
then her church wide shower tomorrow
then a wedding tomorrow evening - donno who's :/
but I'm helping someone

I'm sick, I wanna sleep.

give me a red sky tonight

2008-08-20T15:00:48Z

dad's in atl, apparently he doesn't have scar tissue... but he does have pneumonia, and his trache was about to poke another hole in him... it's just inflamation I guess... I don't really get it.

but besides that I'm about to burst inside because I'm so stinkin excited!
Chandis and Nicki asked me to be their wedding photographer!!!
I wanted to scream inside, of course I said yes, I totally didn't expect that

so now I want a computer, if I'm gonna go to college and also do all this photo crap, I should get one
I asked Eddie about mac mini's he said for me to get it if I want a paperweight...

I feel like a zombie

I'm leavin on a jet plane

2008-08-18T18:10:50Z

dad left for emory in atl last night
on a jet plane
mom got to ride too
so Page and I were up late, then we were late to school and work this morning

its just now that I'm starting to feel overwhelmed
the house is a mess
the bills aren't caught up
I'm tired
I'm worn out
and I have to take care of Page

but I know the Lord will take care of it all
I know it will be okay
I just wish I could be in atl with them

oh and I want to go to SCAD, so bad
ha that rhymes.
I'm writing my appeal letter tonight for federal aid
then I'll work on my application this week
and get a portfolio together after the two weddings in the next two weeks
I'd like to have the band picture done too, that would be good for that

and he better come back again

iamtotallylame @ 2008-08-12T22:05:00

2008-08-13T02:08:11Z

dad's 100th surgery went fine, might go to atl to fix him permenantly.
truthfully, everytime someone asks how dad is I just say well, because I'm so tired of talking about it.
not that I don't feel sad about it, because I do, but it's just tiring.

the Lord's got it.

and I'm super excited about the next two weekends.
Casey passed off two wedding shoots to me, thanks Casey!
then I can say I've done weddings, and maybe start a portfolio and get that going.

been hangin around this ol town tooo long

2008-08-12T02:03:29Z

so this weekend was awesome
and I've realized
I don't like being an adult when I'm still a kid
so I really really really wanna go to college, scad would be great
and I just wanna take pictures alllll the dang time
I love it
I just wanna go to school and not work
and be close enough that I can come home some weekends

I took pictures of Samantha this weekend, that was great
and Rachel and Penelope, that was fun too

now I think I'm gonna take pictures of this band
prob Friday
so that's exciting

I'm on my way to a portfolio

Eddie told me today that if I found a way to get my camera when I didn't have the money
I can find a way to go to scad
and that I need to
it was uplifting
sorta that fussing at you because you're being stupid but because you're smart and you need to start doing something worthwhile because you're so capable
I think were all capable though

Eddie also said he'd pay me for a shoot he doesn't have time to do...
I can't say what it is though, but it's totally awesome

so I'm just on this high
I wanna leave tomorrow

the Lord's laid it on my heart

I don't know why this song makes me think of you

2008-08-10T05:15:33Z

I won't be the circus for you to star in
I won't leave you roses to watch them die
You won't be the heartache that keeps me sleepless
You won't be the songs that I could never write

I don't want to stay, I don't want to fall
I don't want to have to see you leave me
I don't want to stay, I don't want to fall in love
Maybe I'm a fake, maybe you're a lie
Maybe our last chance died with last night
I don't want to stay, I don't want to fall in love with you again

I won't be a fortress for you to hide in
I won't be the first one you think to call
You won't be the regrets that I can't live with
And we won't be the last ones to ever have to lose it all

When we're scared and lonely
We will tell ourselves we're only
Just a word from what we needed
But we know that this ain't right

Because we all know that wouldn't, couldn't, and won't happen.

I remember

2008-08-07T01:38:25Z

when lj and aim and myspace were all cool
no one even uses aim anymore
I read someone's post about 'their old crew' and I got to thinking about my 'old crew'
they were tight, but none of us are the same, that's just fine with me, things are how they should be,
needless to say, I do miss them

and if I think it's weird now to look back on the past
man am I in for it
hopefully I'll go to college in the next year or so
I mean I like copying music on 'konica' and making jokes with my momma hens and eating food off the trough and 'buzzing' someone that I want to talk to that's just accross the office and being given a hard time by Eddie and Daniel and pretty much every other guy at FBC... and just having a lot of fun while trying to meet 'deadlines' and being told 'happy birthday sarah' but Curtis every once in awhile and using 3 packs of sticky notes a day (okay not really 3)
but comon
I wanna play with photoshop and take pictures whenever I want and learn about lighting and learn how to make logos and what colors go together and get a tablet like Eddie that I can draw with :) and fall in love and get married and make babies and praise GOD! for planning my life and guiding me through it

were caught when our hands are off the wheel and our foot is on the gas

an email to share

2008-08-04T13:44:33Z

A woman from choir sent me this email:

Sarah,

Just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you. My family was in FL this morning, so we missed the service, but do want to let you know your Dad is even now in my thoughts and prayers. God is so amazing, I know it is difficult right now, but you are being held up in prayer by many.

In the message this morning at the Church we were attending, the pastor spoke on Acts 12 when Peter was miraculously released by an angel of God from prison. He went on to say how the faithful prayers of God's people touched our Father's heart, and that the Lord hears us when we pray, but that His answer will be one of four.

He either says, "Yes", "No", "Not yet" (translated 'wait' - the one we all love), or, "I've got something better in mind".

I can't begin to guess what answer our Lord is giving your family, but I know that He is providing each of you the strength to make it through! I rejoice with you in that.

I am specifically praying for your Dad's quick and complete recovery to full health.

Be encouraged, Sarah, God cares about you.

so I replied:

This means so much to me! :) Thank you so much for your prayers and encouraging words. It’s what I needed to start the day. Even if I can act like I’m handling this well, I know deep down I’m not, but I also know deep down that my God is big enough to handle my problems and so much more! I truly have no clue where I would be in life right now if it weren’t for him, there are so many things lately that I think "well if I weren’t a Christian I would have just made a really bad decision right now, and that would have put me in even a bigger hole to climb out of" I’m so thankful for my salvation, as I am your’s and everyone’s that I work with and live with and love. I just pray that God uses this time in my life right now for me to put away my problems and sorrows to be used as a tool for Him, to show other’s that with God anything is possible! That my problem’s are few compared to the problems of those that don’t have Christ. Nikki, thank you so much, you’ve been such a blessing, as have the other members of the choir. I love you all so much, and I’m so blessed to be part of the music ministry, if I didn’t work for it, I don’t know if I would have ever gotten involved. God works in great ways!

Thanks,

God Bless,

let us not grow weary in the work of love

2008-08-01T16:43:47Z

dad had emergency surgery last night
it was a tough night
I'm glad we weren't aware of when the doctors thought they were gonna lose him
I would have been upset
but he's okay now
in ccu at bwick hospital
I gotta finish working

the song I will lay you down by brandon heath made me cry :(

let us gather jewels for a crown above